Right away, a confession. At the beginning of my career, I asked potential employees almost all of the questions below. Well, except for number one of this list. Gaining experience and becoming wiser, I, fortunately, have learned that these are the worst interview questions, the most counterproductive ones, and stopped with this bullshit.
I apologize to all the people Iâve asked any bad interview question. I was young and frankly stupid. Having said that, letâs enjoy the hit parade of crappy job interview questions!
10. How many gas stations are there in New York?
This is not the worst interview question ever, but weâll get there eventually.
There are hundreds of questions like that. How many ping pong balls do you need to lift a Ferrari from the bottom of a lake? How many people have lived on Earth during the entire existence of the planet? How many tons of shit do zoo elephants produce in a hundred years?
All these riddles are aimed to reveal the personâs creative nature. The candidate is expected to look smart and find beautiful solutions to the problem, demonstrating an IQ above 140 to their future boss. The candidate is seriously expected to be counting the Earth population, cars, mileage, the lengths of all roads in New York, and the efficiency of elephantâs gastrointestinal tract.
My opinion on such a hypothetical question? I hate these riddles fiercely. I partly hate them because I donât have an IQ above 140 and canât solve them quickly and elegantly. But I also strongly doubt the correlation between solving puzzles and solving actual software development tasks. Why the fuck do we expect programmers to love rebuses, crosswords, and puzzles? Is it a job requirement, or can we keep things reasonable?
9. Why are you looking for a job in software development?
An interviewer asking this is trying to understand a personâs motivation. The expectation is that cool programmers have, from early childhood on, programmed calculators and drew on momâs punch cards. The expectation is that cool programmers come to software development to improve the world. They know who they want to be at twelve already.
My dear friends, bad news. All of this above is probably right when we talk about absolutely ingenious programmersâand thereâs about 1K of those in the world. In daily life, people come to the industry because of money. Or even by accident. And these people can be an equally good fit for your opening.
Itâs thus vital to understand: thereâs nothing wrong with it. I became a layout designer almost exclusively because of money. Well, it was more or less interesting to create websites, yes. But if at the first interview I was asked why I came there and if I were to answer honestly, I would say, âIâve got bills to pay, and I know a bit about websites. But you can hire me as an assistant to the system administrator too if you want.â Unfortunately, when you give such an honest answer, youâre asked to get the hell out of the interviewerâs face. So you have to cheat. Donât make people cheat you.
8. What is your biggest weakness?
Obviously, from someone who really wants this job, you will hear something like: âIâm too lazy, so I really like to automate everything.â Or âI donât like routine tasks, and Iâm not willing to deal with them for more than fourteen days in a row.â Or âI get too carried away by my tasks, and I donât notice the time, so I absentmindedly leave at about 23:00, forgetting to turn off the light.â
No one will ever tell you about their actual personality flaws and professional disadvantages. First of all, why would they? Second of all, talking openly about such things requires a high level of trust and sincerity. Itâs a very uncomfortable question, right? When you see a person for the first time, are you sincere with them? Thought so.
7. What are your greatest strengths?
Thatâs the reverse side of the same crappy idea of asking about a personâs greatest weakness. By asking this you will either get a dumb list of positive qualities (purposeful, fast-learning, responsible, honest) or about the same list but more elaborate and formulated pleasantly. Itâs not a badass, tough interview question; itâs just some bullshit harmful to the whole interview process.
You need to find out about your potential employeeâs strengths by asking questions about work situations, examples, and facts. Especially about facts.
6. How do you see yourself in five years?
In all honesty, Iâve no idea what I will be doing in five years. No job candidate does. I might move to the moorlands to take a break from humanity. I might as well start something in biotechnology. I might start drinking heavily. Or write a book. Or learn to sing and will play guitar in a park to make ends meet.
If I donât know the answer to this question, why would I torture a potential employee with it? This question is almost meaningless because nowadays, we can hardly plan further than a couple of years. University graduates rarely practice what theyâve specialized in. Companies change their strategy yearly. Do we expect a job candidate to lie about their planning?
5. Why are you the best candidate for this job?
Such a fucked up question. Why am I not? Itâs your job to find out why you want to hire me, not all those other candidates. Do I know other candidates personally? How can I compare myself to them? Iâve read the text of this vacancy, checked out the site and the product, and I came to the conclusion I might like it here. Do I need to tell you how to do your job now?
In the best case, this question looks like a little twin of the âwhat are your strengths.â But why would you want to repeat yourself as a potential employer?
4. Why do you change jobs so often (so rarely)?
How does that matter? If I am a match for the company in terms of qualifications and personal qualities, how will my job history and reflection help? I changed jobs every year or so. Is that âoftenâ or ârarelyâ? Whatâs wrong with changing jobs frequently?
A person might not have found a place they feel really, really comfortable with. Or have grown too fast. Or did not get a raise they wanted. In any case, you wonât hear a for-real answer to this question, only cliches about personal growth and stepping out of the comfort zone.
3. Do you have bad habits?
Are you unwilling to hire people with addictions? Donât you have addictions yourself? Coffee? Nicotine? Social media (anyone)? Porn? Online gaming? Good old friend alcohol?
No one will admit the depth of their addictions to someone theyâre seeing for the first time in their life. Are you seriously not hiring a good programmer who happens to smoke? What, you will? So why the fuck then ask this question then?
2. How long do you plan to work with us?
A crude attempt to replace question number 4. The correct answer is: the fuck do I know! For sure, youâll never hear it. Youâll hear a pretty lie about a person willing to stay for two or three years at least. Any candidate would do everything to not frighten the interviewer and to soothe their agitated mind.
1. Have a family/children? How does this affect your work?
This is absolute evil and the most complete bullshit. The worst question you can ask. Iâm happy to say Iâve never asked this. I canât even wrap my head around how it can even occur to an interviewer to ask such questions.
The only worse option is asking female candidates if theyâre planning a pregnancy (luckily, this one is an illegal question in most places). Such questions clearly demonstrate that the company does not give a shit about you as a human and is only interested in earning money by using you.
Hereâs a simple algorithm for any potential employee who gets any of these questions (and especially number 1):
- Facepalm visibly
- Exhale deeply
- Stand up
- Look the interviewer deep in the eye
- Abruptly say goodbye
- Leave without looking back
- Remember the name of the company
- Never go there again. Tell your friends to never go there either.
P.S. Donât be the worst boss asking shitty questions. Be kind. Respect people. â¤ď¸!